Administration

The Age reported that Malaysian polices are given the authority to randomly stop anyone and ask them to present their mobile phones for inspection. On what grounds you may ask? - To ensure there are no porn images or videos stored in your mobile phones.

Apparently, sex parties are becoming popular in Kuala Lumpur. The advent of camera-mobile phones has opened up the doors for these enterpreneur-perverts to record these live events and have them distributed.

“[The government] is concerned that increasing numbers of Malaysians will be able to view pornography through computers and mobile devices”, The Age reported. They will be surprised to know that 90% of Malaysians who have access to a computer with or without Internet, VCRs and VCD/DVD players have already gained access to all the lovely porn! Thanks to our close-knitted male buddies and our usual ever-friendly pirated VCD/DVD sellers.

Living in this world for 23 years has taught me this: The high desires for having something you cannot have. So let’s ban all porn mediums, Malaysia! Create the highest level of sophistication for Internet porn filters. Execute my good buddies who have distributed their entire porn stash to me. Let’s think for a moment: Are those the ways you can stop me from touching myself? Oh wait, I just did!

I just heard the PAS Kelantan knocking my room door. I think they are here to arrest me and I am subjected to be stoned to death (according to the ancient Islamic Hudud laws). Hold on a minute. That’s only applicable if I fucked a woman whom I have not married (by accident, perhaps?). However, the Institute For The Secularisation Of Islam Society clearly stated that “[committing] adultery with [myself] using my own body parts” is illegal in the eyes of the Almighty Allah and his angels”. So, what shall the punishment be? Perhaps PAS will consider chopping off my dick and serve it to their National Dog (”anjing kebangsaan“, considering it’s National Day today) for breakfast.

The Malay people are going to hate me for this statement I’m gonna make - the sex offenders in Malaysia are generally of the Malay race. Pick up the local newspapers. Second page headlines: “Dad rapes daughter charged”. A few moments later, you will then come across with lines like “Karim bin Harun Abu Bakar, 38, raped his 13 year old daughter daughter repeatedly in the jungles near their Pahang residence…” It’s not uncommon to read them. It has become such a norm that we tend to ignore such articles. You can’t blame this poor man for wanting to rape his daughter, man! Give him a break. He has not even touched himself for probably 25 years before he married some woman and fucked her until she was pregnant. Then our fictatious characters became too busy rubber tapping everyday and had no time for sex. He has been bottling up his horny feelings for so long… and he just had to blow up some day! Since touching himself could result in his dick being eaten by the National Dog, he would rather go attack his daughter, which logically is the most worthwhile option. He would probably just get caned or stoned - his dick intact.

Attempting to stop porn from circulating in Malaysia is not a wise choice. Invading public privacy like asking a person to produce his/her mobile phone to the police officer for sex images inspection is just plain stupid. Paris Hilton kept lots of sexy pictures of herself (including a picture of her bare breasted, kissing another woman). So what can Encik Omar, the police officer do if he stopped her?

Omar:
“Miss miss. This is salah! You can’t keep such pictures in phone. Haram!”
Paris:
“Why not? They are just pictures of ME!”
Omar:
“The Perdana Menteri give me rights to delete the pictures from your… err…”
Paris:
“… T-mobile.”
Omar:
“Yes yes. Canggih phone la!”
Paris, while taking out her left boob:
“Like them?”
Omar:
“Er… oh… it’s haram!Haram! Cannot, miss.”
Paris, quickly slipping back her boob; reaches for her wallet:
“Is RM200 enough for your seafood buffet tonight?”
Omar, taking the money discreetly:
OK miss. Ampun! Don’t take this phone out again next time.”

If there exist a sex party in Malaysia, I want to be the first one to know about it (and be invited). Though illegal, these people are there to have fun and are well-prepared to be fucked like a wild animal (and accept the fact there are gonna be perverts who are going to take out their phones or cameras and start flashing). Pussies and dicks being exposed just ain’t surprising. After all, it’s a sex party. If your pussy’s too bushy, I don’t wanna go down on you. So, come on man! Nobody’s suing anyone here. It’s a cat and dog chase.

There will always be other ways of dealing with men’s sexual desire. 40 Days and 40 Nights‘ Ryan asserts: “The male was biologically designed to spread his seed. You’re gonna piss off the seeds, man!” Blocking porn will only result in greater catastrophy of sexual predator disorder: RAPE. MOLEST. INCEST.

Another year of corruption has gone by.

By the way, does anyone know how old Malaysia is this year?

Steak, when cooked to perfection, taste effing good. It’s like sex, really. When you’re indulging yourself into the sins of steak, you do not want to be disturbed from phone calls by annoying friends who just wants to know the basic principles on how to give their missus or girlfriends the best foreplay ever given by any man (including women).

Allow me to introduce my finest steak cuisine so far - Grilled Steak von Russelléa, derived from the street name where I live in Brisbane.

The other dish I made in the evening was an attempted replica of Jo-Jo’s Restaurant Char Grill’s Chips with Mushroom Sauce (AUD$6.20/AUD$7.10 for extra sauce). But of course, it’s made with smileys (and not the usual fries).

Entree: Smileys with Chicken and Mushroom Sauce

Main Course: Grilled Steak von Russelléa

Menu Description
Smileys with Chicken and Mushroom sauce
Fried potato smileys served with a special home-made chicken and mushroom sauce and fresh mushrooms pieces. RRP: A$6.20; Our price: A$4.00

Grilled Steak von Russelléa
A piece of good quality T-bone steak grilled to perfection with a hint garlic served with special fresh crushed pepper sauce (hint: a modified Lee Kum Kee Black Pepper sauce); steam fresh crispy asparagus, smooth jacket potato and some fresh mushrooms. RRP: A$28.50; Our price: A$15.50

This fine product from Starbucks is excellent with chocolates. It has a very unique sweet and distinct smooth flavor. In my humble opinion, this blend does not seem to go well with espresso. But hey, I’m not a true coffee connoisseur. On the other hand, it goes very well with my mocha every night after dinner. Though not a big fan of the long black (or Americano), I’m quite certain that Verona is great with it.

However there’s this thing with Starbucks. I have not got enough money to own a Rancilio Rocky as of yet. So I usually have my coffee beans grounded at the point of purchase. Anyway, it’s just funny to know that the grinder at Starbucks cannot seem to grind coffee fine enough for my cheap-o-espresso machine. The grounded grain-size is pretty similar to that of fine sugar and not flour-like, even after having it grounded twice by their friendly barista. The result of the espresso from my machine taste underextracted, even after extreme force (>40 lbs.) was applied on tamping.

But anyhow Caffé Verona would make the perfect gift (bundled with expensive praline chocolates) to any woman who loves coffee.

The delightful Caffé Verona from Starbucks

I’ve always believed in this principle when it comes to doing a fresh install of Windows. If you start out right, you’ll have great results at the end. There are a few steps I follow (Dell Inspiron 510M) in order:

1. Microsoft Windows XP with Service Pack 2
2. Multilingual User Interface (MUI) for Microsoft Windows XP (optional)
3. Video Drivers
4. Sound Drivers
5. Mobile Chipset Drivers*
6. Touchpad Drivers*
7. 56k Modem Drivers
8. Network Interface Drivers - don’t configure anything.
9. Wireless Network Interface Drivers (optional)
10. Wireless Network Interface Support Applications (optional) - don’t configure anything.
11. Microsoft DirectX (if not preinstalled with Windows)
12. .NET Framework Runtime v1.1
13. .NET Framework Runtime v1.1 Service Pack 1
14. Java 2 SDK/Runtime v1.5 Update 4
15. Microsoft Office 2003
16. Microsoft Office 2003 Service Pack 1
17. Antivirus (Darryl prefers Symantec Antivirus Corporate Edition v10.0)
18. Update to latest antivirus signature
19. Microsoft Visual Studio .NET 2003 (optional)
20. Microsoft MSDN Documentation (optional)
21. Junction, Microsoft’s version of symbolic links (optional)
22. Install startup batch scripts (clean up temporary folders, clear Run MRUs, etc.)
23. Modify registry to increase system performance (SuperPrefetch, NtfsReserveZone, etc.)
24. Configure settings in My Computer **
25. Norton Ghost v9.0
26. Do a compulsory restart and defragment your root partition.
27. Make an image of the entire drive, including MBR! Store in a DVD/Removable Drive.

* applicable whenever necessary
** remove unnecessary services, uncheck Remote Registry, swap file settings, auto-updates, system restore, etc.

Of course the process does not stop there. The reason why I chose to make an image at step 25 was because I believe these preinstalled applications from step 1-25 are going to be here for some time (maybe about 1 year or so). I could very well include Lavasoft’s Ad-aware Professional SE v1.06 in step 24; but I did not - because Lavasoft updates its flagship software about every 6 months.

After imaging is complete, configure your LAN/Wireless/ADSL/T1/T3/56k. For wireless, ensure you have your 128-bit WEP key ready. What? Your wireless network do not need any network key? For goodness sake, make one! If you’ve locked yourself out of your wireless network, don’t sweat. Connect a network cable from your PC to the wireless router. Login and check the settings. If not, reset your wireless router.

The first thing to do is always to install Ad-aware and Ad-watch. Ad-watch monitors your start-up registry sections. Some applications will conveniently put little “tracking” or “speed-up” applications to start up whenever your computer boots (Adobe Acrobat Reader v7.0 is one of the culprits). Ad-watch allows you to block their actions - I assume you know what processes to block in the first place. But please, after Ad-aware installation is complete, update its signatures before proceeding. Standard procedure.

Then I’ll follow up with the codecs I swear by (DivX, XviD, OGG and Windows Media). Then I would go with WinRAR (or WinZip). Oh yes, I like to ensure all the applications I install next are registered, serialized, or cracked/patched (the least favorite). So take a look at Astalavista to find your application’s latest key generators, serials and cracks.

In case anything goes wrong, (this is the part I love most) restart your PC. Boot to your Norton Ghost CD. Do a system restore (including MBR and set partition active) with your previous image.

Because of my need to visit mother nature, I will continue tomorrow with an entry to help you configure and tweak your system. Don’t do anything as yet! Wait until tomorrow and you’ll be the pro!